The Exit Narrative

The Exit Narrative is a particular kind of story that is seldom shared, but everyone has one or more of them. The Exit Narrative, when it pops up into your mind is evidence that change is being contemplated and things are about to transform. Change and uncertainty gives rise to angst and fear; this has impacts on the nervous system, the endocrine system and the immune system. In other words, the exit narrative triggers emotional, and even physical pain. Entertaining the exit narrative makes you feel not your normal self and this brings you are in an unsafe psychological and physical space.

The exit narrative can be encapsulated in the lyrics of the song by The Animals– “We gotta get out of this place, if it’s the last thing we ever do”. The Exit Narrative is triggered by some form of trauma and anger; a betrayal, an unexpected change in a relationship, fraud, violence, being looked over for a promotion, being ripped off, fired, plagiarised, controlled, lied to, cuckolded, experimented upon etc.. which causes the story to run.

The next step of the exit narrative is to construct and refine the plot of getting out of the relationship and possibly some form of revenge fantasies that can be as simple as moving on, cutting connections and getting another job to doing harm.

There are two distinct flavours exit strategy; the Petit Exit Narrative and the Grande Exit Narrative.

The Petit Exit Narrative is invariably related to some form of relationship; a significant other, a parent, a sibling, someone in the family tree, friends, customers, role models, teachers authorities, etc. The petit exit narrative might also relate to relationships with organisations, companies, religions and government (referred to as Principles and Powers in the bible). These organisations are termed “Granfalloons” by writer Kurt Vonnegut meaning the “lumping together of many diverse elements into an abstract collection, and to then think and speak as if the abstract collection is one single entity capable of doing something”. In other words, if you have a Pettit Narrative about a corporation or government, you are only at war with a bureaucratic figment of your own imagination; they neither know nor care about you.

“A granfalloon is any large bureaucratic figment of people’s imagination. For instance, there’s really no such thing as the Feds or the General Veeblefeltzer Corporation. There are a bunch of people out there that relate to each other, and there’s some structures, and some paper. In fact, there’s lots and lots of paper. The people sit in the structures and pass paper back and forth to each other and charge you to do so. All these people, structures, and paper are real. But nowhere can you point to the larger concept of “government” or “corporation” and say, “There it is, kiddies!” The monolithic, big “they” is all in your mind.”

“If you wish to study a Granfalloon, Just remove the skin of a toy balloon.”
Kurt Vonnegut

The Grande Exit Narrative is the “If it’s the last thing we ever do” end of life (aka death) narrative. Luckily, we live in a world where we don’t have to worry about the Grande Narrative as it’s all carefully mapped out for us and the Omega of destinations is always the same whether from Conquest, War, Famine and Death (as per Revelations in the bible). There’s no real space for creativity to be had in this area. The smorgasbord ranges from going to the swiss alps to a euthanasia clinic to being an unwilling subject in medical trials or being made to eat crickets as your budget can’t afford mealworms. Ultimately, the Grande Exit Narrative is your relationship with yourself.

“danger is a biologic necessity, like dreams. if you face death, for that time, for the period of direct confrontation, you are immortal.”
William S. Burroughs,The Western Lands

What triggers the Exit Narrative?

The exit narrative can have many different triggers such as a story, an intuition, an irritation, a frustration, a put down etc. and suddenly you are whirring the story around like a spin cycle in your mind. It’s not safe any more and you want out. The exit narrative is your ticket out of the situation but it is also your suffering. Qualities of exit narratives include the following

They create emotions and feelings that create psychological unsafety
Exit narratives are mostly formulaic and familiar (you’ve had these thoughts before)
Exit narratives consist of images, words, feelings/emotions and actions all articulated as stories. And remember, all stories are made up.

I never expected to see 30. But despite a few close calls, 40 arrived. 50 snuck up on me. 60 slapped me around a bit. Now I actually expect to be kicked in the balls by 70 and NOT go out in a flash of glory…

Editing and updating Exit Narrative(s)

Entertaining the Exit narrative places you in a the zone of the unsafe psychological state and can move you into the zone of mental illness if you dwell there too long. One way of changing these narratives is to do a little personal deconstruction and ask yourself when the story wells up:

What do I feel right now? (Hint: Don’t constraint your choice to traditional happy/sad/tired/bored etc. emotions. find new words that you would like to feel such as awesomely zany, relaxed and calm etc.)
How do I WANT to feel right now?
Is this a familiar story? Have I been here before?
What am I feeling when I entertain this exit narrative?
Why do I want to exit?
How do I want to exit?
What will happen if I get out?
What is the cost/benefit and ROE (Return On Exit) of exiting? (For accountants)
Whose story is this?
Who would I be without this story?
Who in my family of origin would talk / think like this?
Can I change this story? Can it have a better ending? If so, explore the ending(s) you’d like to experience.
Remind yourself to be kind to yourself
You are free to forgive yourself and everybody else, if you so wish

We are all born into this world with a little bag of poison that we take with us wherever we go. We all know the little bag of poison very well but few will admit or talk about it to others. The poison in the little bag is made of stories that make us sick when we tell them to ourselves. The stories in the little bag are made of sadness, loss, grief, worry and fear for what may come and what has gone. When you can tell the stories to others and laugh about them together, the little bag of poison is easier to carry.
The little bag of poison: Indigenous Teaching Story from the Peruvian Amazon

“The old writer couldn’t write anymore because he had reached the end of words, the end of what can be done with words.”
William S. Burroughs

#WorldSuicidePreventionDay 10th September